After learning these tips about accentuating the sexual polarity in your marriage, you’ll be forever changed in how you view this important dimension of your marriage relationship.
Sexual polarity is a phenomenon that occurs within a marriage or any physical relationship. Like a magnet, it draws together like poles and repels like fields.
Similarly, this is how human brains function (with masculine and feminine energy being the opposite charges).
When it comes to sexual attraction, diversity is attractive. In the ways in which two people are different from one another, sexual attraction is sparked.
Emotional attraction, on the other hand, is sparked by having things in common and getting along well with someone. You feel connected to and loved by your partner because of the ways in which you are similar to one another.
Dissimilarities imply individuality, and attractiveness in a romantic partner. Similarities = proximity = psychological bond.
So, striking a balance between the foundational similarities connecting us and opposing energies that attract us. Both parts must function optimally for a relationship to flourish.
So how do you balance the emotional closeness and intimacy of your relationship with the charged, magnetic sex life that comes from combining your similarities and differences?
Polarity of Attraction
Throughout his many works, author David Deida explores the concept of sexual polarity. That masculine and feminine energies are inextricably linked is the central idea (no matter who those energies live inside of).
Therefore, you find it sexually alluring when your girlfriend acts more traditionally feminine than usual (i.e., loving, emotional, and unpredictable). In addition, your partner is likely to find your extra-masculine behavior (such as being particularly decisive, competitive, or logical) sexually appealing.
However, here’s the rub…
Understanding the Three Types of Relationships
When considering sexual polarity, three distinct types of relationships emerge.
On a sexual polarity scale from 1-10, a low-polarity relationship would have two people who, say, score a 4 and a 6. These couples have strong emotional bonds, often refer to each other as “my best friend in the world,” and enjoy “boring” sex.
Relationships with high-polarity consist of two people who couldn’t be more different from one another (a 1 and a 10 on the polarity scale). The sex in these partnerships is like a bolt of lightning to the crotch. But intimacy and conversation deteriorate when partners refrain from sexual activity. There’s not enough shared emotional ground to make up for all the differences.
An active-polarity relationship is the third type (and one that can be learned to inhabit). You can achieve a low-polarity state through shared relaxation and conversation, which facilitates emotional connection between you and your companion. You both know how to turn up the polarity when things get steamy in the bedroom.
You already have a good idea of which of the three categories best describes your current relationship, and now you want to know how to turn up or down the heat depending on the circumstances. Let’s dive in…
The Art of Creating Polarity (Dialing Up)
If you and your partner share a deep emotional bond but are struggling to find common ground in the bedroom, try these three strategies for refocusing your energies.
1. Make Your Workouts Savage
Nowadays, many men have lost touch with the dark side of their male power. Our upbringing in a sexist society taught us to suppress our sexual urges, so we don’t blame ourselves.
Increase your gym visits to reacquaint yourself with your inner animal and unleash the beast within.
You know that look you give yourself when you’re about to finish a set and you growl because you really want to go out and hunt for dinner? Oh, right, you found it.
It’s perfectly fine to be friends with someone who shares the same mentality that equates sex with hostility.
2. Tell her that you appreciate the sexuality she brings to the table
Women (or people) generally want to feel acknowledged by their partners on a sexual level. Your significant other is more than just someone who you can sleep with. You have a romantic partner. Then treat them as such.
Can you see her ascending the flight of stairs? Follow her up the stairs. How about the dishes? Is she doing them? The best way to get her attention is to sneak up behind her and either engulf her in your arms, smack her in the rear, or sink your teeth into the back of her neck. She should be unable to pass you in public without planting one on you.
The sexual tension can only be maintained with increasing intensity.
3. Maximize the Opposing Pull of Your Polarity
In a hurry to turn up the temperature dramatically? Dominate her physically in ambiguous and obvious ways.
Try to restrain her arms on the bed. Kiss her passionately as you force her arms against the wall. Look deeply into her eyes and feel the beast you tapped into in the gym seep into your stare.
De-Polarizing Strategies (Dial Down)
Try out these three steps if you’re having a hard time communicating or emotionally connecting with your partner despite the fact that your sexual life is rocking.
1. Be Quiet and Listen
Make eye contact gently and respond thoughtfully to your conversation partner. Assure them of your attention.
A lack of dominance and a more relaxed attitude are communicated by a soft gaze, the polar opposite of a penetrating one. Give her a few nods here and there, show her that you’re paying attention, and react to what she’s saying.
2. Emotionally Connect
Keep your hands to yourself during more intimate conversations if you have a habit of crowding her when you’re close enough to talk to her. If she’s had a hard day and just wants to vent to someone, she’ll appreciate you being there for her, but not necessarily wanting to be touched.
3. Be emotionally sensitive to her
Men and women become slightly less attuned to one another’s emotions after receiving a surge of testosterone (the hormone associated with libido and aggression). Practice being sensitive to her moods in order to de-polarize her.
This does not imply that you must be affected by her moods and adopt them as your own (in fact, this is not the case), but you should be aware of them. Examine her face, her body language, and her tone of voice in an attempt to always ascertain her state of mind.
To It Sum Up
This is all about showing your partner the kind of love she needs at any given time. She needs your steadfastness at times, and your compassion at others. Recognize her cues and respond appropriately.
A healthy, active-polarity relationship can be maintained in any pairing as long as both partners are committed to the effort and mindful of one another.